So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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