he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
