Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
