And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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