I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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