i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
