we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
