it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
