i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
