A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
