i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
