We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
