you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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