Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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