So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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