Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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