In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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