are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
