Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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