the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just gift wrapped bread.
vagina is talking i cant
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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