So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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