ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
