I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
