You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
