I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This show inspires me to have sex in space
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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