why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
