Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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