im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
