I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I checked into jail on foursquare
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't deserve a penis
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
