I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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