return my video game
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
