you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
