you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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