he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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