There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
