My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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