I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
