Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
