i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
