there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
