yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
