is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
