guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
