I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What a dumb baby whore.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
