I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
