I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just found puke in my bra..
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
