did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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