I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
