im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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