An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
