i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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